I often get asked the question, “How can I feel truly happy in my life?” This is a complex question that can be overwhelming at times, therefore I break this question down into categories that will make it feel more manageable.
If we look at life fulfillment it’s fair to say that we won’t be satisfied or fulfilled by having just one component, for example just friends or just a significant other. True happiness involves a variety of different factors all coming together. In order to feel happiness in our life we should take a look at the categories that make up satisfaction and see how each category stacks up against the rest.
1) Family: The family category involves those in your immediate, extended, or identified family. Does your family have a strong bond, do you spend time together, and are the relationships honest and trustworthy?
2) Significant other/Partner: The partner category is whom you choose to be the most intimate with. This tends to be the romantic relationship in your life and the one that tends to be the most emotional. Does your significant other respect and love you? Do you enjoy each others company and feel connected to one another?
3) Personal hobbies/enjoyment: This category is how you spend time by yourself. It’s important that we have something that we invest our time in by ourselves that gives us great pleasure. Do you make time to engage in this activity and allow yourself to enjoy it?
4) Spiritual/Religion/Higher power: This category is defined by engaging in something bigger then yourself. Maybe it’s meditation, going to your place of worship, or volunteering for a charity close to your heart. It’s important to invest time in something outside of yourself.
5) Social life: The social life category is spending time with people outside of your family or significant other category.  Do you make time for girlfriends, golfing buddies, or co-workers? Do you feel supported by those people and cared for?
6) Career: This seems like an obvious category but this tends to be the category that my clients feel they have the least control over.  However you choose to spend your day (in the office or home with your children) should feel worthwhile and significant. Do you feel appreciated, valued, and challenged?
Once you understand the categories above I want you to rate yourself from 0%-100% on how much you feel fulfilled in each category. This will give you an understanding of where you feel like your happiness comes from and where there is potential for improvement. The categories you rated lower than others are the places in which your happiness can progress. My suggestion is to make small goals in those lower categories and begin to raise those percentages. We’ll never be at 100% across the board but striving for general happiness in all of our categories can greatly improve our zest and appreciation for life! 

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​While providing couples counseling it has become abundantly clear to me how couples stay happy and successful… they’ve put work in to make it that way. Relationships aren’t just hard work; they’re an ACTIVE CHOICE. We must actively choose to be a participant in our relationship, to purposefully communicate, to listen, to appreciate, to respect, and to love. For one moment stop and ask yourself have you communicated, listened, appreciated, respected, and loved your partner? If not, I may have some ideas why.

There are a multitude of reasons as to why couples begin to struggle; here are the top 3 reasons:
1) It’s not the priority anymore
Life moves very quickly and before you know it you’re raising a family, climbing the ladder in your career, and well just busy. Often times we view our relationship as our foundation and its common to think that because it exists we can afford to invest our time elsewhere. This is easy to do so it happens almost effortlessly. Ask yourself if you didn’t have the things that made you “busy” would you be satisfied in your relationship as it stands? If not, I can help put it back on the priority list.

2) You changed and your partner didn’t change with you
We are ever evolving creatures. We’re designed that way. We go through life and have experiences that allow us the privilege to grow and become different. We find ourselves wanting new things and developing new passions.  The reason why couples struggle here is because one partner recognizes they’re changing but chooses to not include their partner or their partner doesn’t have a desire to change with them. Relationships don’t function when the partnership isn’t in synch. Change is good; evolution is fulfilling- couples just have to learn how to evolve together.

3) Intimacy and money
Sounds cliché I know but it’s real and true. Let’s start with intimacy- I call it that because I don’t mean just sex- I mean closeness, vulnerability, and understanding. When there is a couple that continues to be intimate with one another there is a deeper level of connectivity. Couples who find that there is little to no intimacy will naturally become estranged and possibly resentful. Intimacy can come back and shouldn’t be given up on.  On to the money… Money is powerful and it controls a lot of what we can and want to do. Power in a couple is important and money drives power. The couple must get to the place where they have a clear and agreeable concept of the role that money plays in their relationship.

Relationships are very much like a car- we have to rotate the tires, check under the hood, and give it an oil change on a consistent basis. Why? We do this to avoid our car’s breaking down. Relationships are the same way; we must put the effort in to keep it running in perfect condition.  

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Lets start by asking…why NOT go to counseling? Let me guess… no time, can’t commit, too busy, its not that bad. Those excuses, yes excuses, I just rattled off are easy to say but they’re fictitious. Many people believe that only “sick” people go to counseling or you have to really be struggling to get help from someone. Well that couldn’t be further from the truth.

In my decade of treating clients, I have come to understand the apprehension that some have in committing to counseling, it is with that understanding that I formed Elevate Premier Counseling, initiating a concierge counseling service.  I take away those excuses I mentioned above and come to you, right in your home or destination of your choice, where there is convenience and discretion. It’s time to put you at the top of your “to-do” list. Make yourself a priority, I assure you, the benefits will pay off!

Here are my top 3 reasons why everyone should be involved in counseling at some point and even more so, on a consistent basis:

1) Because NO ONE is an expert at life
That’s right, you’re great at a many things but you’re not great at all of it.  It’s impossible to be. I have worked with top business executives and professionals that are experts in their fields and although brilliant, they’re not brilliant in the vocation of living life. You spend a lot of time maintaining things; your car, your home, your wardrobe, your appearance…why not invest in maintaining your true self.

2) Because you deserve to be the best version of yourself
I believe this with every ounce of my being. Everyone has the capacity to work on being the best version of themselves, but you may not have the tools to do so.  Many mothers I work with feel like their identity is just being a mom and once they open up to being more they feel reunited with themselves again. The most exciting part of this is discovering the definition of who my clients want to be, and then we understand what that is and how to sustain it.
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3) Because times get hard and hashing through life’s messiness is easier with an outsider
As the outsider I have your best interest in mind but I also have the privilege of being very honest and challenging. Those two components are essential in what makes counseling work. If you’re struggling in your marriage it’s likely you both feel like you’re on the hamster wheel going round and round in circles with virtually no improvement, or you’re just checked out. As the professional outsider I have the ability to make the sessions progressive therefore the couple begins to see the resolution they want. 

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Lets be honest, conflict is miserable. Whether it’s with a stranger or our partner conflict adds stress to our lives where we have little to no room for it. Often conflict with someone happens when we aren’t prepared for it and haven’t had the time to outline our “speech;” or perhaps we have something important to say that we are afraid will end in conflict. Well lucky you because I have one very important communication tip that will assist in you avoiding future unwanted conflicts.
It’s actually quite simple, just talk about yourself. That’s right, we are going to use our “I statements.” What we don’t realize is that when we are in a conversation with someone else that is becoming hostile or argumentative we are probably using our “you statements” not our “I statements.” Lets see if this sounds familiar…

“ You always forget to take out the trash”
“ You’re the one that hurt my feelings and ignores me”
“ I can’t believe that you said that”
“ You don’t understand”

While you might feel justified in the points your making the delivery of those points are all wrong. When we use “you statements” the person who is on the receiving end of those statements don’t actually hear us, they instead are becoming defensive and thinking of the next thing to say back. Naturally, using “you statements” sounds accusatory and makes the listeners put up their walls to protect themselves. We would be much better communicators if we just spoke about ourselves and informed the person we’re talking to about the way we think and feel. Here is how the above quotes would look using our “I statements”…

“I’ve noticed the trash has been forgotten lately, I’m wondering what to do about that”
“ My feelings were really hurt before because I felt ignored”
“ I’m really struggling with what was just said”
“ I’m feeling misunderstood lately”

​When we use our “I statements” they are received much better because they don’t cause the listener to feel under attack. Instead the listener will often lean in to hear what your saying better because you’re talking about yourself. When two people in a conversation have the chance to speak for themselves and respond based on their own thoughts and feelings conflict is typically avoided.
Now let me be clear, this takes practice! Using “I statements” is a learned communication style that we all can adopt. The more you practice the better you’ll get and before you know it this will be your go-to way of communicating. So just remember, it’s more important that you talk about yourself rather then at someone else. Good luck!

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Friends. Such a simple word that rolls off our tongue without thought or hesitation. Think about how often you throw the word “friends” around, almost as if we have “friends” growing on trees and we’re never worried that we would be without them. It’s kind of a shame when you think about it… because of all the things we have in life, friends should never be taken for granted. Let me tell you why.
I can think back at my life and reflect on the friendships that developed over the years. From the friends I’ve made as a child who I had the privilege to become an adult with and now raise families together. The friendships I made in college who were there for me during the first round of pivotal change, my 20’s! And the friends I made in “adult world” where you actually have to focus on things other then being just a friend- because now you’re a colleague, a wife, and a mother.
While reflecting on my friends  it became abundantly clear that I am one lucky gal. I began to think about the dynamics of the friendships and asking myself why these relationships, and the other friendships in my life are so significant? I came up with some answer I’d like to share:

• Hodgepodge- My friends come from all different backgrounds, have different careers, enjoy different things, and value the differences in each other
• Compassion- My friends and I truly care about the happenings in each others lives and can provide empathy and sympathy when needed
• Honesty- There is an underlying value of sincerity that floats in every interaction. The ability to be true to yourself around others is cathartic
• Humor- The fact that we can be silly and appreciate small moments that make us cry with laughter bonds us and sometimes saves us from despairing moments later on
• Longevity- To know with confidence that this relationship is there for the long haul, well that’s where the gratitude comes in doesn’t it?

Now there is one major point to consider here- these relationships need to be taken care of, to be nurtured, and to be paid attention to. If you’re lucky enough to have a friendship that looks similar to what I described above, well don’t let it slip away. Just like any other relationship in our life we need to work at it. The exception here is that friendships are our chosen relationships, which means it needs even more love and dedication. I’m not always the best at this, life gets by me and time moves quickly and I don’t focus on friendships as much as I should. I’m making a commitment at this time to change that. I am utterly grateful that I have them in my life and I want them to stick around.
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment, and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Dr. Brené Brown

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​Please enjoy the spotlight on Renee Concepcion LCSW, owner of Elevate Premier Counseling 

• Why did you choose to become a private practice therapist?

I was lucky enough that at a young age I knew that I would go into the helping profession and at 16 years old I decided I would own a private practice (ambitious I know). I began my career mostly working for non-profit organizations and community based work. The foundation of working with a wide variety of patients and their concerns was invaluable.  I couldn't wait to begin my work as a private practice therapist as I have a unique opportunity to assist others in meeting whatever goals they wish to accomplish and be a first hand witness to extraordinary change. I’m grateful to be apart of something so wonderful.

• What is special to you about the therapeutic relationship?

The therapeutic relationship between my clients and myself is something I treasure and have the utmost respect for. The most critical component of the therapeutic relationship is trust. With trust comes a vulnerability and closeness that allows for real change to occur. I tell all of my clients at their first appointment with me that the hour they spend in session is completely theirs and the space that we conduct our therapy sessions in is a sacred ground where they can be truly authentic. Once my clients allow themselves to be genuine with their thoughts and feelings is when the magic begins to happen. I dedicate myself to my clients and am fully committed to being their partner while they ride the rollercoaster of transformation.

• Why do you enjoy treating the concerns in your area of expertise?

Treating those who want to rid themselves of anxieties, sadness, low self-esteem, or lack of confidence is important work for me. I am an expert at helping clients move through different stages of life gracefully and assist them in deeper level of understanding and being the best version of themselves.  I believe that we all can function as our best selves and simply need the tools to be able to do so. I take a psychodynamic approach to my counseling and go on a journey with my clients to get a better sense of themselves. I help them understand how their history has made an impact on their present day and learn from things they’ve been through. We take the time to truly get to know who we are, that way they become the expert at what steps to take to make the changes to become their very best self.

• How do you keep yourself mentally healthy and connected?

I am lucky to have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, a 110lb Labrador retriever, and amazing family and friends to share my journey of life with. I am dedicated to a physically and mentally healthy lifestyle. I enjoy exercise and spending quality time with people I love. I take pride in knowing myself well and treating myself with compassion and patience.

• What is special to you about Elevate Premier Counseling?

Elevate is a dream come true for me. After being in private practice for many years I know what works and more importantly what gets in peoples of way of success. We live in a life that is fast and demanding and all too often my clients were finding themselves last on their "to do" list. The excuses were always time, convenience, and discretion. That's why I have decided to go to my clients, wherever that may be. We can no longer put ourselves last because we can only be 100% for everyone and everything if we feel as important. Elevate Premier Counseling is a service that gives back to others. A space where anyone could come and leave self-doubt at the door and explore themselves. I believe that therapy is the single most wonderfully selfish thing we can engage in and I feel privileged everyday that my amazing clients allow me to be apart of their journey with them.

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